


Doubt

by suzakukills



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Apologies, Break Up, Cheating, F/M, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Moving On, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-02
Updated: 2015-03-02
Packaged: 2018-03-15 23:21:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3465776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suzakukills/pseuds/suzakukills
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kise thinks it’s easy. Trading his body for one night for a job. It isn’t easy at all. Not when there's somebody waiting at home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Doubt

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [trust](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/100889) by ryan-masamune-of-oshu. 



> Okay as a stand-alone fic buuuut sort of a follow-up to Trust, after having my heart crushed in a good way I wanted to sort of mend it but I think I ended up worsening it, ooops. I love you, Ryry. and I had a ton of fun and I hope it’s okay <3

You swallow hard and hope your smile is untouched as the woman’s naked body is right in front of you, it was hard facing the fact that you weren’t a youngster anymore and contracts were getting increasingly harder to secure, this was a line you thought you would never have to cross, but by now you were used to the fact that your body was your asset, and having sex with a woman who would give you the main spot at YSL’s new ad campaign  should be easy enough.

Yet, the voice of Kasamatsu on the other side of the line wouldn’t leave your head, how he had parted with warmth and you had suddenly found yourself wishing you were back home, you had panicked trying to explain and maybe it was just your guilty conscience that made you think he had figured it out, when it was quite the contrary.

The trust he had in you was actually more hurtful than him being angry, perhaps those pictures they took had been more than you being sloppy, they had been about you wanting him to figure it out, so he could stop you, so you would have a reason to not do it. Yet, right now, trading your body for a big contract seemed like nothing. Not that sex was easy, or you’d call yourself loose, but you could see it as an extension of work, you had had photo shoots and scenes that were more than G rated a few times and you weren’t uncomfortable with showing off your naked body or getting into suggestive poses, your personal life was completely separate.

“Ryota?” the girl inquired, you had been spacing out, and suddenly she was crawling onto your lap as you sat at the edge of the bed, next to the telephone. 

  
“Ah, yes,” you gave her a charming smile and unconsciously moved back, a reaction you wouldn’t think you’d have, she seemed confused for a second, but you quickly recovered and pulled her on top of you, with your other hand you pulled the champagne bottle that was on the nightstand and gulped it like a true champ.

“Wow there, easy stud,” she clicked her tongue in disapproval and took it from you, “what if you don’t get it up?” she purred and you could feel her breasts  n your chest, and your throat went dry and you needed more alcohol to survive through it.

“Oh, I think it takes a little more than that to put me out, beautiful,” you mumbled, pulling her close and taking the bottle back, “Here, you have some too,” you encouraged and passed it to her, falling back on the mattress.

  
She took a big gulp and fell next to you,  “You are shivering,” she pointed out, holding your hand in hers, and  sure enough your fingers were trembling. “Ah, it’s just the alcohol, I guess,” you admitted sheepishly.

  
“You bought good champagne, right?” you raised your brow inquisitively and she laughed, from up close the wrinkles on her face were more obvious and it became clear to you that this was a fourty something year old woman you were going to go to bed with, not that you minded – she was gorgeous for sure and unless you were looking at her this close you couldnt even see her wrinkles.

“I said I would spoil you, right?” her hand caressed your face for a moment before she turned around and sat on top of you, but you couldn’t really take it without a pang of guilt, so you pushed her down and kicked off your shoes, you had yet to strip. 

“I should take a shower too,” you whispered in her ear, lowering yourself down, before bouncing back and off the bed, apparently relieved at the space between you.

Before you could sneak off, she held onto your hand, “Are you getting cold feet, darling?” her grip tight around your wrist as she spoke, and you chuckled, “Are you kidding me? I can’t wait to put my hands on you,” you retorted, turning around and kissing her forehead. You couldn’t pull back, as she held onto the neck of your shirt and pulled you into  a full blown kiss, tongue and all.

“This is more like it. What are you? A virgin?” She laughed loudly, pushing herself to the middle of the bed and sipping on the  bottle of champagne she had reached for again. “Go, hurry,” she waved her hand, asking you to go to the shower.

You smiled, hoped it looked credible and slipped into the bathroom. When you looked at yourself in the mirror you were a mess: of red and disheveled hair, your lips were moist and a little bruised from her expert kissing.

You watched yourself take off your clothes, but the face in your mind wasn’t hers, it was Kasamatsu’s, and you had to lean forward, keeping your hands in the sink so you wouldn’t puke.  Your stomach was turning and you hadn’t even had dinner yet.

It was supposed to be easy, a one time thing to warrant you a top notch capmpaign so why couldn’t you do it. Why couldn’t you just get it over with. You slapped your face with both of your hands, and turned on the shower. Hoping for the best and wanting the water to take off the edge.

Then it happened.

When you were drying yourself up, door half open so she could watch, per her insistence, you saw her pick up the telephone after the first ring, and nothing particularly went through your mind, until her face seemed confused, and she uttered English, please.

Kasamatsu.

“Who am I?” she spoke, laughing with glee, “Who are you!” she commanded, and made a face from the bed, pointing to the phone and shrugging, before managing a  _hold on_  and asking you to come to the phone,  your face must’ve dropped because her laughter stopped as you snatched the phone away.

You didn’t speak at all for the first few seconds, and then you heard his voice, “I think I got the wrong room,” he mumbled and just as he was about to hang up, she spoke, “Ryota, just answer it,” she ordered .

“KISE?” he asked, angrily, and you couldn’t pretend anymore.

  
“IS that you? Why did a woman pick up the phone? Why was she speaking in English? “ he demanded answers, and you were at a loss of how to give them.  
Impatient with the entire thing, the blonde took the phone from your hands and whispered  _we are busy_ , laughing before she hung up the phone and wiggled her finger to call you to the bed.

You were stunned, still unmoved from where you stood.

The phone didn’t ring again.

“You should leave,” you bent down to pick up her clothes, scattered all over the room.

“Huh?”

“I said you should leave,” you managed, barely above a whisper as you handed her the pile of clothes and when she refused to take them you laid them on the bed.

“What? Why?” She shook her head, “Stop joking, now get in bed with me, you’re all fresh and clean now,” she cooed, and spread her legs for you to see.

“I’m not joking,” you sat at the edge of the bed.

“Huh?”

“I said I’m not—“

“No, no, I heard you,” she growled and stood up, fetching her underwear and putting it on, before standing in front of you.

“Now, you listen here you little has-been, I was offering you the chance to be someone again, you’re 30,  who the hell would hire you?” She spoke angrily, slipping into french and back to English as she slipped into her pants and attempted to button her shirt.

“You have no idea of what you’ve just done, you will never work in Paris again, do you hear me?” she roared, slipping into her red-sole shoes and tussling her hair, you still  hadn’t moved up from the bed or looked up.

“You are pathetic,” she uttered last, lifting your face by the chin and half slapping you before stumbling outside the room, the sound of the door shutting was enough to bring you back.

You weren’t thinking about how your careed had probably just ended, or how she would probably destroy you in front of all the big names, you weren’t thinking about how much her words hurt because they were probably true. Because 30 for a model is old and if people hired you in the first place, you wouldn’t even have accepted her offer to sleep with her for a job.

You could only think of the face he must’ve been making as she took the phone back, because Kasamatsu Yukio knew enough English to understand, and what was more – he wasn’t an idiot, there was no reason a giggly woman would answer the phone in your room claiming  _you were busy_ late at night.

No reason other than the fact that you were doing things with her you shouldn’t be doing.

You were thinking of him, angry – tearing up the picture frames and throwing out your stuff, which he probably had every right to do so. You were thinking of his tears, angry and  flowing, but most of all of his expression full of disappointment and surprise.

Why had it seem so easy in the first place? Why had it seemed like it was nothing? Like he wouldn’t get hurt? Because he wouldn’t find out? Would that erase the fact that you knew, that you would know and would have to lie about it, and laugh at the tabloids and call it a lie while he brushed his fingers through your hair as you laid ion his lap and told you he knew it was a lie.

Damn it, damn it to hell.

You wanted to catch the first flight back home and explain things, say nothing really happened and you called at the right time and anyway you wouldn’t have gone through with it because you couldn’t stand it. You couldn’t cheat on him.

You took another deep breath, you had to go. Just go. Stomach ache and all, headache and all, and when you walked into the bathroom to pick up your clothes and leave, you realised you were crying, you touched your face and felt the tears, realised that was why your eyes were stinging, and remembered that the last time you had ever cried when you were by his side was when you lost the winter cup.

  
He had promised you to never make you cry, and for years he had kept his promise, these tears? They were all your selfish fault.

*****

“I’m going to kill him, Kasamatsu and you can’t stop me,” Moriyama urged as he fixed you some tea, you were probably a mess of tears and snot, and his arrival had just been a misfortune, you had spent the entire night crying your eyes out but hadn’t wanted to call anyone, saying it made it way more real.

Moriyama had simply arrived because you had agreed to have lunch and play some basketball afterwards, but you could barely remember your name, he had banged on the door so hard (afraid you weren’t awake yet because you could oversleep on your break days) that you had stumbled to the door and when you opened it, his face had gone pale, as he instantly went int to catch you as you nearly collapsed to the floor.

He didn’t ask questions, you didn’t say anything, but he knew instantly that the only person responsible for your state was Kise Ryota.

“You’re going to break the tea cup if you keep moving the spoon like that,” you uttered from the couch, having a perfect vision of the kitchen,   A blanket thrown on you, as he demanded you rest – he’d promised to fix you some tea, get you to feel more calm, but oddly enough you felt so calm that you weren’t sure you were even alive.

Like your spirit had been sucked out of you, you felt a void – a gap – an emptiness in your stomach and in your chest, and the desperate sorrow from before had disappeared, it was gone when you woke up –hazily – when he had knocked the door.

“I won’t forgive him,” your friend stated, going towards you and setting the teacup on the small table in front of you, moving your head and shoulders with care before settling on the couch and pulling you back down, so you would rest on his  lap, he put his hand on your shoulder. 

It felt weird, the closeness but the warmth felt good, and when his fingers ran through your hair,  you felt like you could breathe without the residue of pain.

“I’m sure there’s a logical explan—-” your words cut off as he abruptly turned your head to face him. He was looking down at you and shaking his head. “No, don’t justify him,” he growled and covered your eyes with his right hand, “you don’t deserve this,” the rage in his words was evident.

“You just rest, and if he comes here I’ll get rid of him,” and you moved your hand to hold his and uncover your eyes. 

  
“This is my problem, don’t get involved,” you mumbled, wanting to offer him a smile  but you couldn’t, you just couldn’t.

“Shut up, this is what friends are for. Commiserating after losing big time basketball games and kicking your ex’s ass when they do shitty, awful things.”

“I’m sorry for ruining today,” you turned your head to the side, wanting to fall asleep and sort of wake up in a place where this wasn’t happening.

“So you are an idiot,” he flicked the back of your forehead. “You aren’t ruining anything, and I’m not leaving until you’re okay.”

“So you’ll just move in with me?”

“If that’s what it takes to make you be okay again then yes,  first we’re going to put all of his stuff in a pile outside and set fire to them… it’s therapeutic.”

“It also sounds sort of illegal.”

The phone ringing interrupted your delusions, but you didn’t even turn around to find it. It didn’t matter who it was, right now you only cared about the way Moriyama’s fingers were brushing your hair and his other hand was resting on your shoulder, it felt warm and good.

He didn’t move from his place either, following your intent to not pick up.

After three rings, it went straight to the answering machine.

_Senpai? Listen, I’m coming home tonight, I’m at my layover flight right now and I’ll arrive tonight. I’ll explain everything. I. I – I love you._

“Moriyama?”

“I got it. I’ll throw the answering machine out the window,” he nodded, and you could see a smirk on his face.

“Idiot,” you managed.

“Can I crash at your place tonight?,” the question had more the tone of a statement, but you couldn’t stand the idea of seeing his lying, cheating face.

“Listen, I really don’t want to say this but I think the best thing is that you both talk and then you can just stay at my place indefinitely or whatever. But get this settled now.”

“I know you’re right but I feel that if I see his face I’m going to kick it in,” you sighed, and buried your head on Moriyama’s lap. He didn’t reply but he patted your back and that was all you neeeded as consent.

**

“What is he doing here?”  Kise asked, pointing at Moriyama who stood behind Kasamatsu – he had just entered the apartment.

“Listen, it’s not personal or anything, Moriyama-senpai but I really want to have a talk alone with  Senpai,” the blond shrugged, dropping off the suitcase at the entryway and letting himself inside.

“Shu—“ Kasamatsu’s hand was quick to cover the taller boy’s mouth, “I asked him to be here, I’m not sure I can control myself if he isn’t here,” his blue eyes were glazed over as he spoke and Kise’s eyes were fixed on him. He looked terrible.

The purple under his eyes and his hair disheveled told the story his body language was hiding, arms crossed over his chest and expression almost neutral. Kise had thought he would come home to a trashed apartment and a very angry and crying Kasamatsu.

The indifference in his tone and in his demeanor probably hurt more than the before mentioned attitude.

“it’s not what you think.”

“So you weren’t busy with a woman at one in the morning in your hotel room?” Kasamatsu’s  words were sharp and direct and the blond couldn’t tip toe around the subject, he had decided this approach would be better but in all the hours of flight he hadnt come up with a decent explanation.

“I didn’t sleep with her,”  Kise  almost shouted, and took a step forward, wanting to breach the distance between Kasamatsu and him.

“So it’s not cheating if you don’t fuck her?” Kasamatsu backed off,disgust in his face, and the model could tell he wasn’t believing a word he said.

“It’s not like that, I’m telling you-”

“So tell me what it is? Tell me. Was she laughing next to you when you called me to tell me it was a lie? Did you both have a good laugh at my expense? At how fucking naive I was to believe you wouldn’t food around? “

“Yukio, please-“

“No, don’t call me that. You don’t get to call me that. I waited for you here to tell you that i’m goning to stay at Moriyama’s and i’m not coming back to this apartment ever. I’ll find a way to pay you back for half of it, but I suggest we sell it.  I don’t want to see you ever again,” not a hint of emotion in his words as he spoke calmly and with a resigned air.

“Moriyama-senpai, I’m sorry,” Kise mumbled, pulling the black haired boy and shoving him outside, closing the door on him before he could react, he knocked on the door aggressively to have him let him back in but Kise didn’t move, he closed the distance between Kasamatsu and himself and put his arms around him, but he found resistance.

“Let go, it’s disgusting,”  the smaller man told him, trying to push him back but Kise felt fortunate for the difference in height and weight because he could calmly hold in in his arms without him moving.

“No, I’m not letting go until you hear me, I love you so much -”

  
“Liar. You don’t love me.”

  
“I love you”

  
“Go to hell, if you loved me you wouldn’t do this. Tell me with who else did you sleep with? How many?” he growled and kicked him in the groin, making his escape towards the couch.

Kise bent down, clearly in pain, but he was probably so focused in what was going on that he managed to recover fast enough.

“No one. I swear. I didn’t sleep with that woman. I swear on my mother’s life.”

“I’m leaving,” Kasamatsu growled, moving back towards the door but Kise blocked his path.

“Please, please believe me,” the tears on his face were real, but the anger in Kasamatsu wasn’t easing down.

“Don’t come at me with your crocodile tears. You think I believe you?”  He shoved the blond and  the  force was enough to make him move back.

“I was going to.” He finally admitted.

“I was going to sleep with her but I didn’t,” Kise fell onto his knees.

“Oh, I see. I’m sorry I interrupted you,” Kasamatsu growled, moving past Kise, but the blond’s hand caught his wrist.

“I’m not. I’m thankful. I was going to sleep with her because she promised to land me a big gig, i’m thirty now. I can’t get a job anywhere as a model. My body is all I lhave and I thought it would be easy, but it wasn’t. I wanted to puke. It was disg—“

The slap to the cheek was sudden, but it made him stop speaking, and in front of him was Kasamatsu, with eyes red and full of tears, and he was trembling.

“I don’t think I could’ve done it. I wouldn’t have done it. I thought it would be nothing, but it doesn’t matter now. I should’ve realised it sooner. So what if I won’t get to walk the runway. I just didn’t want to lose my job, I wanted to be someone you were proud off, someone who could suppport you…” 

  
“So you thought sleeping with some woman would make me proud? Kise, we’re supposed to be partners, we’re supposed to rely on each other, so what if you don’t get hired as a model anymore? You have your acting skills, you have been offered numerous times to do dramas over and over again, the world isn’t going to end because you can’t model. There is so much more you can do. I know you feel like a failure because you didn’t go pro in basketball, because you didn’t want to go the U.S. so you chose modeling, and now modeling has given up on you but you are so much more than your ridiculously pretty face.”

“I should’ve told you soonner, I’m sorry, please don’t leave. Please don’t leave me,” the grip on Kasamatsu’s hand loosened and he finally let go, allowing Kasamatsu to decide.

“I need some time, What you did, what happened.. you didn’t even call me back to explain and – I felt too much, I don’t know if there’s any going back for me. There’s nothing here”, the smaller man pounded his hand on his chest. 

“I’m going to stay over at Moriyama’s for a bit, we should take a break to decide what is going to happen next. I DON’T know if I can trust you again,” Kasamatsu sighed, opening the door to leave.  His hand was soft on top of Kise’s head for a brief moment.

“I understand. I love you,” the blond mumbled, looking at him from the spot he was flopped down on in the floor. Feeling the ache in his throat and the irritation in his eyes.

“I’ll come back and get more of my things tomorrow,” Kasamatsu  offered him a half-smile, before turning to leave. Moriyama full of rage as he stood behind him outside once the door had opened.

“Say it, please say it,” the blond demanded.

“You know I do, but i’m not sure I can say it,”  he offered nothing else before walking outside and shutting the door  behind him.

 


End file.
